Coach, Cheerleader Or Referee?

Coach, Cheerleader Or Referee?

Burnout Conflict Resolution Leadership Leadership Effectiveness Stress

Effective leadership requires effective conflict resolution skills. A team in conflict is a team that is not functioning at its best. While a great deal of conflict can be anticipated and artfully avoided, circumventing conflict isn’t always possible or even desirable. Living in the real world, you will inevitably face conflicts in your team

Not all conflicts are created equal. As an effective leader, you need a variety of strategies to address problems as they arise and to play different roles in resolving conflicts. I think successful conflict resolution requires leaders to be coach, cheerleader and referee. See if you agree.

Coach. Coaches ensure that team members reach their full potential as individuals and as a team. Coaching your team through conflict includes establishing a climate of mutual trust and respect and strong communication skills such as civility, open-mindedness and active listening.

Helping identify and craft win/win solutions is another way to coach your team through conflict. When conflict hits a stumbling block, you can suggest alternate strategies that may make the team more successful in resolving the situation. Additionally, you can lead the team in post-conflict analysis and apply the lessons learned to support improved performance and avert similar conflicts in the future.

Cheerleader. Cheerleaders provide support, encouragement and praise from the sidelines, rather than participating directly in the competition. Wise leaders know there are times that interfering in a disagreement only makes matters worse. When the conflict calls for you to be a cheerleader, express your support and your confidence in your team’s ability to steer themselves through the conflict. Praise the progress made along the way to keep your team’s spirits high and focused on the desired outcome.

Referee. Referees ensure good sportsmanship and that players follow the rules of the game. So it is with leaders in conflict situations. When team members are unable to resolve conflict on their own, they may need your intervention as a neutral party. While it might be tempting to take sides, as a leader you need to protect the interests of all parties equally.

Enforcing ground rules and calling “foul” on inappropriate behaviors during the conflict process is critical. Declaring a time out when things get too heated can also be useful. Finally, as a referee, you may need to exert your authority to declare a winner if the team or individuals can’t reach a shared resolution.

While your preferred leadership style in conflict may lean more heavily to one of these roles, effective leadership means that you are capable of being a coach, cheerleader or referee depending on the needs and capabilities of your team. Knowing when to be coach, cheerleader or referee empowers you to lead your team to success and to Increase your impact!

Dr. Sherene McHenry, Relational Leadership expert, is a widely acclaimed speaker, author and coach that demystifies how to lead, motivate and resolve conflict for optimal results. Known for being wise, witty and highly practical, Sherene provides instantly implementable tips and strategies for enhancing leadership effectiveness, increasing engagement and decreasing burnout, frustrations and miscommunications.

No More Walking On Eggshells

No More Walking On Eggshells

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Do you ever walk on eggshells? Would you rather have a root canal than engage in conflict? Join the club.

You may think that avoiding conflict makes you a good leader – but the opposite is true. Conflict, handled properly, increases collaboration, trust and influence, which are all essential for successful performance in the workplace.

Walking on eggshells can be more than just uncomfortable – it can negatively affect your organization’s bottom line. According to research conducted by the authors of the New York Times bestselling book Crucial Conversations, 95% percent of the workforce struggles to speak up to their colleagues about their concerns. It is estimated that on average, each avoided crucial conversation costs a company $1,500 and an 8-hour workday.

Imagine how much better things would be if you and your team could stop walking on eggshells and master the art of managing conflict. Kind of boggles the mind, doesn’t it?

As a leader, if you teach your people to have tough conversations, hold others accountable, and argue productively, you’ll create a high functioning team and collaborative environment.

Of course, once you decide to stop walking on eggshells, you don’t want to go to the other extreme and throw gasoline on the fire. There are a few simple rules to follow that help keep conflict in the productivity zone, rather than the problem zone. Here are just two:

  • Nip Problems In The Bud. Just as weeds are easily picked when small, conflict is most easily resolved in its earliest stages. The first time a problem arises, have a conversation. That enables you to address the issue in a calmer, more collaborative manner than after it has happened multiple times.
  • Avoid Piling On. In an effort to provide protection, football teams are penalized when extra players “pile on” a ball carrier who is already down. When dealing with conflict, stick to addressing the problem at hand, not what the person has or hasn’t done in the past. Refraining from “piling on” safeguards individuals and relationships, keeps things clear and on point, and decreases defensiveness.

Want to learn more? Set up an appointment to talk with me about bringing my keynote speech or workshop No More Walking on Eggshells to your next conference or corporate event. Just click here http://www.meetme.so/ShereneMcHenry to schedule a call.

Let’s keep you and your team from walking on eggshells and Increase Your Impact!

How Talking Like A Pirate Makes You A Better Leader

How Talking Like A Pirate Makes You A Better Leader

Conflict Resolution Employee Engagement Leadership Leadership Effectiveness

Do you want to be a better leader? Then let’s start by talking about conflict. I know it’s probably not your favorite topic – mine either! However, we can’t talk about leadership effectiveness without talking about conflict. Why? Because handling conflict is a critical leadership task, and failure to manage conflict appropriately is a primary reason that leaders fail. So, if needed, take a deep breath and let’s dive right in.

To handle conflict like a pro, you have to talk like a pirate. Before you think I’ve gone off my rocker, read on. What comes to mind when you think of how a pirate talks? If you’re like me, you think of the sound –aarr- that precedes any sentence. Once you get the sound in your head, it’s hard to get rid of and that’s exactly why I want you to talk like a pirate while honing your conflict management skills.

AARR is the sound that will help you be a better leader as you remember the four elements of good conflict management:

Anticipate – Good leaders recognize that conflict is inevitable. Even in the best-run organizations, there are disagreements from time to time. As you look ahead in day-to-day operations and for the long term, think about likely bumps in the road. Some conflicts will be focused on individuals, others on ideas. Planning ahead enables you to prepare positive responses and have them ready to go before the need arises.

Avoid – If you expect conflict and can anticipate where and why it may occur, you can also develop strategies to avoid or minimize its disruption within your team. As the leader, you chart the course and steer the ship. When possible, pilot your team away from trouble spots that will derail your efforts and destroy morale. Of course, it isn’t always possible or even desirable to totally avoid conflict, but if you have a diversion strategy in place, you may be able to reduce the negative impact when it does occur.

Recognize – With conflict, as with everything else, your responsibility as the leader is to see the big picture, scan the environment and help your team understand what is happening at any given moment. When conflict is brewing, or has been buried under the surface, good leaders recognize the clues and take steps to ensure the problem is addressed.

Recognizing conflict includes acknowledging it openly and honestly so that it can be addressed. Hidden conflict simmers under the surface and can have devastating consequences when it erupts unexpectedly. As a leader, choosing the time and the manner in which conflict is named and handled increases your likelihood of achieving a positive outcome.

Resolve – Far too often, conflict is smoothed over, rather than resolved. As a leader, you need to look beneath the surface to its underlying causes and address those issues. Without deeper attention and actual resolution, conflict recycles again and again.

Ensure your team members are truly engaged and invested in the solution so that they will be committed to moving forward. You will know a conflict is resolved when it is no longer being rehashed and revisited – and when solutions are honoring, collaborative and respectful to involved individuals and the organization.

Dr. Sherene McHenry, Leadership Effectiveness expert, is a widely acclaimed speaker, author and coach that demystifies how to lead, motivate and resolve conflict for optimal results. Known for being wise, witty and highly practical, Sherene provides instantly implementable tips and strategies for becoming a better leader, enhancing leadership effectiveness and employee engagement.

OUT WITH THE OLD – IN WITH THE NEW

OUT WITH THE OLD – IN WITH THE NEW

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In a few short days we will be saying farewell to 2016 and greeting 2017. The phrase, “Out with the old, in with the new,” is echoing everywhere, describing the transition that is marked by the change in the calendar. What does this mean for you and for your team? Are you ready for the change that is coming?

As a leader, your role is help your team navigate the transition from old to new in the best way possible. Successful transitions require careful reflection, not just wholesale change. Here are a few suggestions for ringing in the New Year in the best way possible.

  • Recognize that it is okay to let go

There are some attitudes, behaviors, and experiences that are best left in the past. Work with your team to clearly identify what will be left behind – and why. Long-standing traditions may have outlived their usefulness. Lingering conflicts need to be resolved. Disappointments or failures should become important as lessons rather than regrets.

Honor the value of what will be released. Appreciate the effort that was expended, even when the result was not what you had hoped. Make sure that team members who invested time, energy and emotion in something that is ending are recognized for their contributions. Help your team understand that letting go frees space for something better to come along.

  • Plan the transition with intention

Reflect carefully on what will be different in the future by making an honest assessment of what worked and what didn’t in the current year. Set new goals and expectations that are realistic, but require a bit of a stretch. No one gets excited about standing still or falling backward. Make a renewed commitment to the good things that you will be retaining for the future – they are the foundation upon which your new success will rest.

Make sure to look at the changes to be made from both the big picture and the small details. Engage visionary team members in forecasting the big picture for the future and charge detail people with looking at the components of each area to be adjusted. Work together as a team to craft a complete vision of the year to come.

  • Prepare for the in-between time

Making change is not like flipping a light switch – off one minute, on the next. It takes time for people to become accustomed to a new normal, even when it is a happily-anticipated change.

As a leader, you need to recognize that not everyone on your team makes adjustments at the same pace or with the same attitude. Work closely with team members who are reluctant to let go or hesitant about what is to come.

What might ease the transition for them? Do they need more information, support or time? Is the gap between old and new too wide for them; do they need an interim or adjustment period? Model the attitude and approach to change that you want to see in your team.

  • Embrace the new with energy, excitement and enthusiasm

Your team members look to you to help shape their attitude and acceptance of what is ahead. If you cling to the past or seem reluctant to let something go, you can be certain that others will follow suit.

If there are rough waters ahead it is particularly important for your team to feel your confidence that together, you all will find your way to smoother sailing. As a leader, when you acknowledge that change is not always easy, you give the team permission to feel the same way – and then you can cheer yourselves on as you make the change anyway!

At this time of year, when it is “out with the old, in with the new,” be a change leader for your team and Increase Your Impact!

Dr. Sherene McHenry, Leadership IQ expert, is a widely acclaimed speaker, author and coach that demystifies how to lead, motivate and resolve conflict for optimal results. Known for being witty, wise and highly practical, Sherene provides instantly implementable tips and strategies that get real world results.

Repair Relational Fender Benders

Repair Relational Fender Benders

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Mistakes are inevitable, but these three strategies can help restore damaged relationships.

Think back to when you bought your car. Did you relish its glossy, gleaming perfection? Protect and baby it? Avoid dings by parking it as far away from other cars as possible? And, despite your best efforts, has every car you’ve ever owned still accumulated scratches and dents, or been in a collision?

The only way a new car stays pristine is if it remains parked in a garage and is never driven; or it is well cared for and regularly received maintenance and body work.

Relationships are a lot like cars. They start off gleaming and shiny but over time, dirt, dings and accidents accumulate. Like vehicles, relationships need attention and restoration work if they are to stay beautiful and working properly.

I’m confident you strive to be respectful, kind and considerate, especially to your employees. Unfortunately, by virtue of being human, you will consistently dirty up, ding up and create fender benders. So will your employees.
Sometimes all that’s needed to repair a relationship is a simple, heartfelt apology. Regrettably, many people don’t know how to apologize, or worse yet they either lack empathy or have been taught that whoever apologizes loses. While that may be the case in destructive relationships, nothing could be further from the truth.

A key indicator of a healthy, productive relationship is that both parties care and desire to nurture and protect their association. Such relationships increase creativity, productivity and profitability.
Here are my hard-earned, practiced-far-more-often-than-I-would-prefer guidelines for delivering an apology:

• Speak sincerely and from the heart. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a forced, insincere apology, you know how something that sounds cold, contrived or flippant creates even more damage. On the flip side, a heartfelt “I’m sorry,” “I regret” or “I was wrong” goes a long way toward repairing relational dings and fender benders.

• Acknowledge responsibility. “I’m sorry I offended you” is very different and far more healing than “I’m sorry if you were offended.” One builds a bridge, the other widens the rift.

I’m not advocating you sell your soul by lying if you don’t feel you did anything wrong. That’s not good for any relationship. At the same time, if the person is offended, hurt or angered by what they perceive you did or didn’t do, you’ll never go wrong with, “I’m sorry I offended you. That wasn’t my intent.”

• Commit to doing better in the future. “I promise to do better,” or, “You can count on me in the future,” provide a much-needed safety net for future interactions.

Here’s the bottom line: While you can’t control if someone accepts your apology, you always have control over when and how you offer it. Sooner is always better than later.

The good news is when you offer an apology containing all three components — heartfelt words, an acknowledgment of responsibility and a promise to improve — your apology will almost always be accepted.

Unfortunately, if you’ve been involved in multiple fender benders or a head-on collisions, an apology alone probably won’t take care of the problem. You’re going to need a good mechanic/body worker such as a highly skilled consultant, coach or relationship professional to help you repair the damage and learn new skills to prevent the problem from reoccurring.

As you become skilled at the art of appropriately apologizing, I look forward to seeing you in a shiny, red, dent-free convertible.

Dr. Sherene McHenry, Leadership IQ Expert, empowers organizations and individuals boost their leadership IQ so they can maximize their potential, enhance relationships, and avoid and overcome burnout. The author of Pick: Choose to Create A Life You Love, Sherene is passionate about creating happier lives, healthier relationships and better bottom lines. www.sherenemchenry.com.

Originally published in Garden Center Magazine, March 2015, http://www.gardencentermag.com/article/garden0315-repair-damaged-relationships-tips/

Be A Better Boss

Be A Better Boss

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I’m sure you’ve already noticed that the world is full of two types of people: those who get things done early and those who put things off until the last minute. Those who get things done early prefer structure, deadlines and plenty of breathing room to finish assignments. Their mantra is, “Once it’s off my plate, I can relax.”

Those who procrastinate prefer freedom in how and when they approach tasks, time to passively noodle the assignment and gather as much information as possible, and the adrenaline that accompanies an approaching deadline. Their manta is, “Relax, the deadline isn’t here yet.”

Managing those who get things done early is a dream. You give them a job and it gets completed in a timely manner. Unfortunately, the strain is transferred to employees who can’t bear to have unfinished projects, and who run themselves ragged to finish jobs only to be assigned additional tasks.

“If you want something done, give it to a busy person,” is the adage of most business owners and managers. Wonderful for the business and the manager, but not so great for the dependable employee burdened with one more task. In addition to not being fun or fair, it’s demotivating to be repeatedly asked to pick up other people’s slack.

What your persistent, getter-done-or-die-trying employees desperately need is protection from you, other employees and even themselves. As a wise leader, knowing they will sacrifice and suffer rather than be late or fail to follow through, you’ll want to keep tabs on their workload and how they are holding up.

High performers who keep getting additional jobs are at huge risk for burnout. Once that happens, they either quit, find a different job, or take their heart out of the workplace. At a bare minimum they’ll start doing “an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay,” nothing more.

All it takes for your Rock Stars and Steady Eddies to soar under your leadership is for you to protect them. Do this by monitoring their workload, dividing up assignments so everyone is sharing the load, and giving them a bit of breathing space before dumping another task on them.

I can almost hear you panic at the thought of spreading out the workload, particularly to employees who procrastinate, turn things in late and always have a good excuse. While panic isn’t necessary, you will need to manage and train your Last Minute Lucys and Larrys to meet deadlines.

While they might not like it, procrastinators need you to set and hold appropriate deadlines and work boundaries. Without them, they will drop the ball and needlessly cause extreme frustration and stress.

It’s helpful to understand that procrastinators actually need the adrenaline that accompanies a deadline. Deadlines propel them to work smarter, faster and more effectively. Deadlines kick in their creative juices. Working on deadline is their preferred and most effective work mode.

Here are seven tips for bringing out the best in your procrastination-prone employees:

1. Set clear deadlines.

2. Ask for their commitment to meet the deadline.

3. Ask when they would like for you to check their progress.

4. With clearly outlined expectations, allow great freedom to determine how and when they approach the task.

5. Refrain from doing it yourself or reassigning a task before the deadline.

6. Hold them accountable for missing deadlines by letting them know the physical, financial and emotional cost of their actions. If this doesn’t bring about desired results, set consequences. No matter how brilliant or charming, if they can’t meet deadlines, they aren’t a good fit for your company.

7. Lastly, recognize the immeasurable gift they bring your company by being able to nimbly respond to anything that gets thrown at them. You need and want them on your team.

While boundaries and deadlines are your best friends as a manager, remember to refrain from rewarding your persistent rock stars with yet another job. Effectively manage both types of employees and you’ll set yourself and everyone else up for long-term success.

Originally published in Garden Center Magazine, February 2015, http://www.gardencentermag.com/article/garden0215-managing-procrastination-prone-employees/

Reduce Workplace Conflict Like A Rock Star

Reduce Workplace Conflict Like A Rock Star

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Is the vast majority of your time spent babysitting people who can’t get along? If so, you are not alone. Studies indicate that managers spend anywhere from 20 to 42 percent of their time trying to manage employee conflict. In addition to tying up valuable time, workplace conflict increases absenteeism and health care costs, reduces the quality of decision making, pushes good employees to leave, increases the likelihood of damage and theft, and lowers morale.

Did you know that strained work relationships cause 65 percent of employee performance problems? That more than 50 percent of employees waste work time worrying about how they’ve been treated? That 22 percent of employees deliberately slow down their work in response to conflict?
Until leaders learn to step up and effectively handle conflict, and corporate cultures are changed, employee conflict will continue to negatively impact the bottom line of otherwise great organizations.

While I believe the learning curve can be significantly decreased, research indicates it takes 16 hours of hearing about conflict resolution for individuals to begin acting on what they’ve learned. Master resolving conflict as a leader and you’ll enjoy a happier, more productive workforce and a better bottom line. Fail to master conflict and things will get progressively worse.

Here are three rules I’ve uncovered through over a quarter of a century of experience equipping leaders for success in and out of the workplace:

1. Nip problems in the bud. Just as weeds are easily picked when small, conflict is most easily resolved in its earliest stages. The first time a problem arises, have a conversation. That enables you to address it in a calmer, more collaborative manner than when it has happened multiple times.

You’ll know you need to say something when you’ve spent more than 15 minutes thinking about what happened. Your energy and attention will no longer be focused on moving forward, but on looking backward. And, if you know you’ll be angry if it happens again, assume it will and nip it in the bud.

2. Avoid piling on. As in football, not piling on provides protection. Additionally, it helps ensure that the message you need to send will be heard.

Years ago, as I was leaving to start my doctorate, a colleague informed me that I had upset him. I listened and apologized. He then told me something else he believed I’d done wrong. Again, I apologized. Feeling beaten up, my reply to his third complaint was, “OK.” Having no interest in being his punching bag, I politely ended the conversation when he started his fourth concern. Were his complaints valid? Perhaps, but his piling on resulted in me self-protecting by tuning him out and dismissing the entirety of what he had shared.

3. Reflect back the key points you’ve heard before responding to someone’s concerns. People will more easily accept your viewpoint or a decision that they don’t agree with once they know you’ve heard their thoughts. Ignore this step and they’ll either shut down, believing there is no point in talking to you, or they’ll increase the volume and intensity of their argument in an effort to help you better understand what they are trying to say and its importance.

Follow these rules for not throwing gasoline on the fire of conflict and you significantly increase your likelihood of being heard and of resolving conflict quickly and civilly. As you cut down the static inherent in conflict, you empower the involved individuals to create win-win solutions that will benefit you, your employees and your organization.

As you create an environment that ensures each employee feels valued, respected and heard, your productivity and profitability will soar.

Originally published in Garden Center Magazine, December 2014, http://www.gardencentermag.com/article/garden1214-resolve-workplace-conflicts/

Resolve or Revolve Conflict: The Choice Is Yours

Resolve or Revolve Conflict: The Choice Is Yours

Conflict Resolution Employee Engagement Leadership Motivation Stress

As a leader, you and the individuals you serve are either going to resolve or revolve conflict. It’s that simple. Unfortunately, far too many leaders to engage in the same disagreements over and over again. Week after week, month after month, year after year. Equally bad are the leaders who bury their head in the sand, hoping disagreements and problems are going to disappear on their own.

Leaders with respectful and well-developed conflict resolution skills maximize employee engagement and performance by refusing to ride the Ferris Wheel. Leaders lacking these skills have unhappy and underperforming employees and continue to stay stuck on the ride. The good news is if you’ve tended to bury your head in the sand or keep reengaging in the same argument, it’s never too late to do things differently.

Dr. Arnold Lazarus in his Rules for Fighting Fairly offers the following tips to help you successfully address problems and resolve conflicts:

Use “I” instead of “You” messages. “You are lazy and incompetent. You never get your reports in on time,” is going to be received differently from, “It frustrates and concerns me that your report is late. I need for you to complete your work on time. Can I count on you?”

Formula for Sending “I” Messages:

It frustrates, concerns, scares, angers… me, (insert impact)

When you fail to follow safety standards(insert problematic behavior)

I need you to follow procedures. (insert desired behavior)

Can I count on you? (ask for their commitment to the requested behavior)

An opening sentence you will use over and over as a leader is, “It concerns me.” Other common impact words include frustrates, frightens, angers and disappoints. As a leader, you are responsible for what happens on your watch. If someone isn’t pulling his or her weight, is treating others poorly or is actively causing problems, concern, frustration, disappointment and anger are appropriate responses.

In one sentence, state the problematic behavior (i.e. tardiness, incomplete/subpar work, raising their voice in anger, etc.)

Again, in one sentence let them know the desired behavior. Just as knowing where the dartboard is greatly improves accuracy, you set yourself and others up for success when you let them know exactly where to aim their efforts.

Lastly, ask them to commit to the desired behavior. Then stay silent. It’s their turn to talk. If they say yes, great. If they say no, there is still a problem that needs your attention. Bottom line, a personal commitment significantly increases the likelihood the desired behavior will actually happen.

Be direct and honest. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Sending clear messages increases trust, cuts confusion and frees others from wasting time trying to figure out what you mean and want. Mixed messages confuse, frustrate and decrease productivity. Clear messages promote desired results. As productivity goes up, so does profitability.

Additionally, while it isn’t always possible or advisable to tell employees everything, if you want peak performance, everything you tell them needs to be honest and accurate. While your employees might not like what they hear, trust enables them to more easily roll with the punches.

All parties count. It’s not okay to win at another’s expense. Take the time and creativity needed to negotiate win-win solutions between individuals and departments. Can you always create win-wins? Of course not. There will be times you’ll need to draw the line. Your employees will respect and follow you even when they disagree if you regularly create win-win solutions.

While you can’t control how someone else responds, you significantly increase the likelihood of getting desired results when you handle conflict directly and respectfully. The next time conflict rears its head, what are you going to do differently?

Originally published in Garden Center Magazine, October 2014, http://www.gardencentermag.com/article/garden1014-positive-workplace-tips/

#1 Reason People Quit Their Jobs

#1 Reason People Quit Their Jobs

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A recent Gallup Poll of more than 1 million U.S. workers indicates the #1 reason people quit their jobs is a bad boss or supervisor. Wondering if you or one of your managers is struggling as a boss? Look at your turnover rates. If they are low, you’re doing well. If they are in the middle, it’s time to start paying attention. If your turnover rates are high, you’ve got a problem. Unfortunately, turnover rates are often overlooked or explained away with a, “They’re leaving for more money.” Research indicates otherwise.

Your ability to communicate and resolve differences is key to your leadership success and employee satisfaction. For almost a quarter of a century Dr. Arnold Lazarus’s “Rules for Fighting Fairly” has been my go-to guide for teaching people to respectfully resolve conflicts.

If you want to maximize your effectiveness as a leader and strengthen relationships:

Rather than criticizing the person, address specific behaviors. While it may be accurate, telling someone, “You’re inconsiderate, lazy, or rude” only escalates problems. Instead of attacking their character and forcing them to either shut down or become defensive, state the problematic behavior. “When you are late,” “When you interrupt,” “When you leave customers waiting,” all clearly identify a problematic behavior without attacking someone’s personhood.

Addressing problematic behavior allows you to get to the heart of the matter quickly, decreases defensiveness and significantly increases your likelihood of being heard, which is critical to resolving conflict.

Refrain from telling employees what they are thinking/feeling, how they’re going to react or what they do/don’t know. Sentences that start with, “Now don’t get mad, but…” or “I know you think you know best, but…” are pretty much guaranteed to escalate into arguments. While you might be spot on, it’s not helpful or productive to micromanage another person’s emotions or thoughts. Instead of throwing gasoline on the fire, say what you need to say, then allow the person to respond.

Avoid saying, “You always” and “You never.” Unless you’re complimenting someone, “You always/never” is guaranteed to escalate emotions and derail disagreements. Instead of coming to a resolution, you’ll be hearing about the time(s) they did or didn’t do “xyz.” Drop these two phrases from your vocab and you’re well on your way to a productive disagreement.

Avoid right/wrong, good/bad categories. Most of how you desire things to be done as a business owner or boss are a preference rather than a rule that exists proclaiming there is only one way to do things. While cheating, stealing and lying are non-negotiables for most, how and when something gets done is generally a preference.

Determine your non-negotiables, values that are unshakable if someone wants to work for you and things that must be done in a precise way. Then, with clearly established goals and expectations, give your employees the freedom to determine how to best accomplish their tasks. They’ll be less argumentative, feel respected and be far more productive.

You’ll want to be prepared with appropriate consequences for employees who are chronically late, treat others poorly or do subpar work. As painful as it is, good leadership entails holding people responsible for their actions or lack thereof. Other employees take their cues about what is and isn’t acceptable behavior from you.

While conflict may not be pleasant, it doesn’t have to be destructive. These four guidelines are a great starting point for productive disagreements. If you’re thinking, “Wait, Sherene, there’s got to be more,” you’re right. Stay tuned. I can hardly wait for the next blog.

Originally published in Garden Center Magazine, August 2014, http://www.gardencentermag.com/article/garden0814-leader-employees-relationships/